sex and candy story (funny)

It was another Payday, and I was tired of being a Mr.Goodbar. So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetart, how'd you like to Krunch on my Big Hunk for a Hundred Thousand Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and, Uno, it was like pure Almond Joy. I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds 'cause it was easy to see this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold back a Snicker and a Krackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream: "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"

Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and Zagnuts and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milkduds clear to Mars and gave her a taste of the old Milky Way.

She asked if I was into M&M but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff"-- and then I said, "Look, you little Reese's Pieces! Don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you just take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit O'Honey?" (and oh, boy, what a piece of Juicyfruit she was, too).

She screamed, "Oh, Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.

Well, I was givin' it to her Good 'n' Plenty when,all of a sudden ... my Starburst. As luck would have it, she started to grow a bit Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach.

Sure enough, nine months later,

out popped a Baby Ruth.

men are like......

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage..

Men are like....

1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.

2.Men are like Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4.Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.



6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores .. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!


8.Men are like .. Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.


9. Men are like .. Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10.Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

whether Democrat or Republican.....

Whether Democrat or Republican, you should get a kick out of this!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family , so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so! we call her the

Government.

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you

the People.


The nanny, we will consider her the

Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy! Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely

soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of po litics now.'

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies,

'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep.

The People are being ignored and the

Future is in deep shit.